那些魅力超凡的人都有哪些习惯
若水分享
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Some people instantly make us feel important. Some people instantly make us feel special. Some people light up a room just by walking in.
有些人总能令人感到他们很重要。有些人总能令人感到他们很特别。有些人仅仅走进房间就能让整个房间都充满欢乐。
We can't always define it, but some people have it: They're naturally charismatic.
我们很难解释，但有些人就是这样：他们天生就充满魅力。
Unfortunately, natural charisma quickly loses its impact. Familiarity breeds, well, familiarity.
很不幸，天生的魅力会很快就失去影响。熟悉总是会造成，唔，熟悉。
But some people are remarkably charismatic: They build and maintain great relationships, consistently influence (in a good way) the people around them, consistently make people feel better about themselves--they're the kind of people everyone wants to be around...and wants to be.
不过有些人非常富有魅力：他们能建立并维持很好的人际关系、总能影响身边的人（正面影响）、总能让别人自我感觉更好——他们是那种人人都想和他们在一起……而且人人都想成为的那种人。
Fortunately we can, because being remarkably charismatic isn't about our level of success or our presentation skills or how we dress or the image we project--it's about what we do.
所幸的是我们可以成为那样的人，因为构成超凡魅力的并不是我们的成功程度、演讲能力又或是我们的穿着或外表——而是我们的所作所为。
Here are the 10 habits of remarkably charismatic people:
以下是那些具有超凡魅力的人们所拥有的10个习惯：
1. They listen way more than they talk.
1.聆听远多过诉说。
Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond--not so much verbally, but nonverbally.
提问、眼神交流、微笑、蹙眉、点头、回应——不需要太多的语言、只需要作出姿态。
That's all it takes to show the other person they're important.
就是要让别人感到他们很重要。
Then when you do speak, don't offer advice unless you're asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice, because when you offer advice in most cases you make the conversation about you, not them.
然后当你确实要说话的时候，对方没有要求就不要提供建议。聆听比提供建议更能体现你的关注，因为在大部分情况下，你提出建议时总会把话题转移到你身上，而不是他们身上。
Don't believe me? Who is "Here's what I would do..." about: you or the other person?
不相信吗？那么“如果是我会这么做”这句话是跟谁有关的？你还是对方？
Only speak when you have something important to say--and always define important as what matters to the other person, not to you.
仅当你有重要的话要说时才开口——并且请把“重要”定义为那些对对方很重要的事，而不是对你。
2. They don't practice selective hearing.
2.不会选择性收听。
Some people--I guarantee you know people like this--are incapable of hearing anything said by the people they feel are somehow beneath them.
有些人——我保证你一定认识这样的人——听不进任何他们认为地位比他们低的人讲话。
Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn't make a sound in the forest, because there's no one actually listening.
是的，你跟他们讲话，就好像森林中的一颗大树倒下却发不出一点声音似的，因为根本没人在听。
Remarkably charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or "level," feel like we have something in common with them.
具有超凡魅力的人会亲切地聆听每个人讲话，而且他们会令所有人都感觉不到自己的职位、社会地位或者“档次”，而是觉得我们和他们是有共同点的。
Because we do: We're all people.
因为我们确实有共同点：我们都是人。
3. They put their stuff away.
3.把自己的事情放一边。
Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.
不要查看你的手机，不要盯着你的屏幕，不要关注于别的事情上，一秒也不要。
You can never connect with others if you're busy connecting with your stuff, too.
如果你忙于处理自己的事情，你就永远不能和其他人产生联系。
Give the gift of your full attention. That's a gift few people give. That gift alone will make others want to be around you and remember you.
向别人赋予充分的重视。只有少部分人能做到如此。仅仅靠着这份“馈赠”，就能让别人愿意和你在一起，并且记住你。
4. They give before they receive--and often they never receive.
4.获取前先付出——而且经常根本就不获取。
Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship.
永远不要想你能得到什么。关注于你能提供什么。付出是建立真正的联系和关系的唯一途径。
5. They don't act self-important…
5.不会表现得妄自尊大……
The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious, self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important people.
唯一会被你那沉闷的、自命不凡的、妄自尊大的自我意识所触动的只会是那些同样沉闷、自命不凡、妄自尊大的人。
The rest of us aren't impressed. We're irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.
剩下的人不会被触动，而会被惹恼、会感到反感和不舒服。
And we hate when you walk in the room.
而且你进屋时会被讨厌。
6. …Because they realize other people are more important.
6.意识到其他人更加重要。
You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your perspectives and points of view.
你已经知道了你所知道的事情。你知道你的选择，知道你的观点和看法。
That stuff isn't important, because it's already yours. You can't learn anything from yourself.
这些东西都不重要，因为它们已经是你的了。你从自己身上学不到任何东西。
But you don't know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who they are, knows things you don't know.
但你不知道别人知道些什么。而每个人，不管是谁，都知道些你所不知道的事情。
That makes them a lot more important than you--because they're people you can learn from.
这使得他们远远要比你重要——因为他们是那些你能从他们身上学到东西的人。
7. They shine the spotlight on others.
7.把聚光灯打在别人身上。
No one receives enough praise. No one. Tell people what they did well.
没人受够了表扬。没有人。告诉别人他们干得很棒吧。
Wait, you say you don't know what they did well?
等等，你说你不知道他们哪儿干得棒了？
Shame on you--it's your job to know. It's your job to find out ahead of time.
你太丢脸啦——你的任务就是去了解。你的任务就是提前去找出那些事儿来。
Not only will people appreciate your praise, they'll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they're doing.
人们不但会感激你的赞扬，更会因你关注他们所做的事儿而心怀感激。
Then they'll feel a little more accomplished and a lot more important.
然后他们就会感到一点小小的成就感，还会大大地感到自己更重要了。
8. They choose their words.
8.斟词酌句
The words you use impact the attitude of others.
你讲话的用词会影响别人的看法。
For example, you don't have to go to a meeting; you get to go meet with other people. You don't have to create a presentation for a new client; you get to share cool stuff with other people. You don't have to go to the gym; you get to work out and improve your health and fitness.
举例来说，你不应说你“要去开会”，而要说你“要去和别人会面”；你不应说你“要为新客户制作演示”，而要说你“想和其他人分享一些很酷的东西”；你不应说你“要去健身房”，而要说你“想出去锻炼锻炼，改善你的健康”。
You don't have to interview job candidates; you get to select a great person to join your team.
你不应说你要“面试一些求职者”，而要说你“要选择一位了不起的人加入你的团队”。
We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic, fulfilled people. The words you choose can help other people feel better about themselves--and make you feel better about yourself, too.
我们都希望和那些快乐、有热情、充实的人打交道。你的用词会让其他人自我感觉更好——并且也让你自己的自我感觉更好。
9. They don't discuss the failings of others...
9.不去讨论别人的失败……
Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip. We all like hearing a little dirt.
是的，我们都喜欢听一点小道消息。我们都喜欢听一些流言蜚语。
The problem is, we don't necessarily like--and we definitely don't respect--the people who dish that dirt.
问题是，我们不一定喜欢——而且绝对不会尊敬——那些散布流言蜚语的人。
Don't laugh at other people. When you do, the people around you wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.
不要嘲笑别人。当你这么做的时候，你身边的人会想，你是不是有时也会嘲笑他们。
10. ...But they readily admit their failings.
10.……但会欣然承认自己的失败。
Be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. And laugh at yourself.
表现得谦逊一些，与人分享你的糗事，承认你犯下的错误。充当反面教材，并且自嘲。
While you should never laugh at other people, you should always laugh at yourself.
虽然你永远都不该嘲笑别人，你却总是应该自嘲。
People won't laugh at you. People will laugh laugh with you.
人们不会嘲笑你的。人们只会和你一起欢笑。
They'll like you better for it--and they'll want to be around you a lot more.
他们会因此更喜欢你——而且他们会更乐意和你在一起。
有些人总能令人感到他们很重要。有些人总能令人感到他们很特别。有些人仅仅走进房间就能让整个房间都充满欢乐。
We can't always define it, but some people have it: They're naturally charismatic.
我们很难解释，但有些人就是这样：他们天生就充满魅力。
Unfortunately, natural charisma quickly loses its impact. Familiarity breeds, well, familiarity.
很不幸，天生的魅力会很快就失去影响。熟悉总是会造成，唔，熟悉。
But some people are remarkably charismatic: They build and maintain great relationships, consistently influence (in a good way) the people around them, consistently make people feel better about themselves--they're the kind of people everyone wants to be around...and wants to be.
不过有些人非常富有魅力：他们能建立并维持很好的人际关系、总能影响身边的人（正面影响）、总能让别人自我感觉更好——他们是那种人人都想和他们在一起……而且人人都想成为的那种人。
Fortunately we can, because being remarkably charismatic isn't about our level of success or our presentation skills or how we dress or the image we project--it's about what we do.
所幸的是我们可以成为那样的人，因为构成超凡魅力的并不是我们的成功程度、演讲能力又或是我们的穿着或外表——而是我们的所作所为。
Here are the 10 habits of remarkably charismatic people:
以下是那些具有超凡魅力的人们所拥有的10个习惯：
1. They listen way more than they talk.
1.聆听远多过诉说。
Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond--not so much verbally, but nonverbally.
提问、眼神交流、微笑、蹙眉、点头、回应——不需要太多的语言、只需要作出姿态。
That's all it takes to show the other person they're important.
就是要让别人感到他们很重要。
Then when you do speak, don't offer advice unless you're asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice, because when you offer advice in most cases you make the conversation about you, not them.
然后当你确实要说话的时候，对方没有要求就不要提供建议。聆听比提供建议更能体现你的关注，因为在大部分情况下，你提出建议时总会把话题转移到你身上，而不是他们身上。
Don't believe me? Who is "Here's what I would do..." about: you or the other person?
不相信吗？那么“如果是我会这么做”这句话是跟谁有关的？你还是对方？
Only speak when you have something important to say--and always define important as what matters to the other person, not to you.
仅当你有重要的话要说时才开口——并且请把“重要”定义为那些对对方很重要的事，而不是对你。
2. They don't practice selective hearing.
2.不会选择性收听。
Some people--I guarantee you know people like this--are incapable of hearing anything said by the people they feel are somehow beneath them.
有些人——我保证你一定认识这样的人——听不进任何他们认为地位比他们低的人讲话。
Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn't make a sound in the forest, because there's no one actually listening.
是的，你跟他们讲话，就好像森林中的一颗大树倒下却发不出一点声音似的，因为根本没人在听。
Remarkably charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or "level," feel like we have something in common with them.
具有超凡魅力的人会亲切地聆听每个人讲话，而且他们会令所有人都感觉不到自己的职位、社会地位或者“档次”，而是觉得我们和他们是有共同点的。
Because we do: We're all people.
因为我们确实有共同点：我们都是人。
3. They put their stuff away.
3.把自己的事情放一边。
Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.
不要查看你的手机，不要盯着你的屏幕，不要关注于别的事情上，一秒也不要。
You can never connect with others if you're busy connecting with your stuff, too.
如果你忙于处理自己的事情，你就永远不能和其他人产生联系。
Give the gift of your full attention. That's a gift few people give. That gift alone will make others want to be around you and remember you.
向别人赋予充分的重视。只有少部分人能做到如此。仅仅靠着这份“馈赠”，就能让别人愿意和你在一起，并且记住你。
4. They give before they receive--and often they never receive.
4.获取前先付出——而且经常根本就不获取。
Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship.
永远不要想你能得到什么。关注于你能提供什么。付出是建立真正的联系和关系的唯一途径。
5. They don't act self-important…
5.不会表现得妄自尊大……
The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious, self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important people.
唯一会被你那沉闷的、自命不凡的、妄自尊大的自我意识所触动的只会是那些同样沉闷、自命不凡、妄自尊大的人。
The rest of us aren't impressed. We're irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.
剩下的人不会被触动，而会被惹恼、会感到反感和不舒服。
And we hate when you walk in the room.
而且你进屋时会被讨厌。
6. …Because they realize other people are more important.
6.意识到其他人更加重要。
You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your perspectives and points of view.
你已经知道了你所知道的事情。你知道你的选择，知道你的观点和看法。
That stuff isn't important, because it's already yours. You can't learn anything from yourself.
这些东西都不重要，因为它们已经是你的了。你从自己身上学不到任何东西。
But you don't know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who they are, knows things you don't know.
但你不知道别人知道些什么。而每个人，不管是谁，都知道些你所不知道的事情。
That makes them a lot more important than you--because they're people you can learn from.
这使得他们远远要比你重要——因为他们是那些你能从他们身上学到东西的人。
7. They shine the spotlight on others.
7.把聚光灯打在别人身上。
No one receives enough praise. No one. Tell people what they did well.
没人受够了表扬。没有人。告诉别人他们干得很棒吧。
Wait, you say you don't know what they did well?
等等，你说你不知道他们哪儿干得棒了？
Shame on you--it's your job to know. It's your job to find out ahead of time.
你太丢脸啦——你的任务就是去了解。你的任务就是提前去找出那些事儿来。
Not only will people appreciate your praise, they'll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they're doing.
人们不但会感激你的赞扬，更会因你关注他们所做的事儿而心怀感激。
Then they'll feel a little more accomplished and a lot more important.
然后他们就会感到一点小小的成就感，还会大大地感到自己更重要了。
8. They choose their words.
8.斟词酌句
The words you use impact the attitude of others.
你讲话的用词会影响别人的看法。
For example, you don't have to go to a meeting; you get to go meet with other people. You don't have to create a presentation for a new client; you get to share cool stuff with other people. You don't have to go to the gym; you get to work out and improve your health and fitness.
举例来说，你不应说你“要去开会”，而要说你“要去和别人会面”；你不应说你“要为新客户制作演示”，而要说你“想和其他人分享一些很酷的东西”；你不应说你“要去健身房”，而要说你“想出去锻炼锻炼，改善你的健康”。
You don't have to interview job candidates; you get to select a great person to join your team.
你不应说你要“面试一些求职者”，而要说你“要选择一位了不起的人加入你的团队”。
We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic, fulfilled people. The words you choose can help other people feel better about themselves--and make you feel better about yourself, too.
我们都希望和那些快乐、有热情、充实的人打交道。你的用词会让其他人自我感觉更好——并且也让你自己的自我感觉更好。
9. They don't discuss the failings of others...
9.不去讨论别人的失败……
Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip. We all like hearing a little dirt.
是的，我们都喜欢听一点小道消息。我们都喜欢听一些流言蜚语。
The problem is, we don't necessarily like--and we definitely don't respect--the people who dish that dirt.
问题是，我们不一定喜欢——而且绝对不会尊敬——那些散布流言蜚语的人。
Don't laugh at other people. When you do, the people around you wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.
不要嘲笑别人。当你这么做的时候，你身边的人会想，你是不是有时也会嘲笑他们。
10. ...But they readily admit their failings.
10.……但会欣然承认自己的失败。
Be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. And laugh at yourself.
表现得谦逊一些，与人分享你的糗事，承认你犯下的错误。充当反面教材，并且自嘲。
While you should never laugh at other people, you should always laugh at yourself.
虽然你永远都不该嘲笑别人，你却总是应该自嘲。
People won't laugh at you. People will laugh laugh with you.
人们不会嘲笑你的。人们只会和你一起欢笑。
They'll like you better for it--and they'll want to be around you a lot more.
他们会因此更喜欢你——而且他们会更乐意和你在一起。
